I find happiness in blogging. I find release in blogging. Blogging gives me a sense of being heard. I know there are many of us who feel invisible from time to time. So to you a say this. Find yourselves. Express yourselves. Accept yourselves. And finally, share your pain...

I am a mother of two daughters. I am adored by one daughter. She is my greatest joy! But that's another story😏. I am scorned by the other. She is my deepest pain.

Rejection by a child that you have loved and adored all of her life is one of God's greatest mysteries. She is the walking dead to me. She walks the earth but has no part of our lives. After trying over and over for over 10 years, I realized that I am not equipped to change the situation. I realized this was not my battle to fight. I realized I must trust my God and move on.

This is not a unique circumstance. Yet as mothers we are judged and labeled "less than" when our children are crippled by society. Crippled in the sense that while I can proudly say that both my daughters are vital productive members of society, one chooses to turn her back on her entire immediate family.

To all you mothers who have given your hearts to your children, do not despair. Believe in yourselves and let the chips fall where they may. Be grateful and stay humble. If God actually wanted things to be different - they certainly would be.

So don't feed into judgement by others. Stay focused on God. Enjoy his blessings upon you. Again I say... if things were to be different.... they would be. If you have a child that wants nothing to do with you and you raised that child and loved that child all of its life - move on... GOD IS PROTECTING YOU and those who love you!🙏🏾

Morning shoutout to all the "judgemental," "shade throwing" ratchet female dogs, whose only purpose in life is to lift themselves by belittling others. You can reinvent, redefine or reimage - but you'll never be a Queen!   aaahhh.... that's feels better! #justsayin' #lessisless #dontgetittwisted #keeptryntho👊🏽👑😏

Every now and then it will hit me. It's random, and it can happen at any given moment. An incident will occur that can, or may, have a direct impact on a loved one. Anything that will affect them in a threatening way sends me into a tailspin. I will become totally irrational and shift into total defense mode. My family tells me I have to trust... my family tells me to breathe. But today something different happened when that old feeling began to over take my heart and my soul.

I felt a warm embrace and my ears lifted as flowers when watered, as a voice gently whispered... never again. Never again will you draw on your past as you deal with the present. Your future is waiting for you and it is glorious.

Thank you God. Thank you for everything.

In my lifetime I've experienced the affect of Dr. King's and Malcolm X's assassinations. I watched, as many others, the Rodney King verdict and what ensued. I cried as Nelson Mandela walked out of prison. I jumped for joy at the vision of the "Million Man March."

More recently, my heart is numbed on a daily basis as black men are systematically executed for the crime of "breathing." I am bewildered by how my ancestors survived the atrocities of slavery, yet paradoxically elated and proud that they had.

Today I sat for hours in front on my television mesmerized as I witnessed history yet again. The opening of the National Museum of African American History and Culture. I witnessed the first Black President of the United States ring a bell that resounded globally. I watched as this man opened the doors of a building that houses the very soul of America.

Out if nowhere I sobbed uncontrollably. It was a deep painful sob that I obviously kept buried. People cry for many reasons. We cry when we're happy and we cry when we're sad... But when we are in pain... We sob.

I pray that my deeds, no matter how small, make a difference. I pray for my race. I pray for humanity.

It's been said that one hasn't lived until you've acquired a hater or two. I've never understood this rationale until recently. Early one morning it occurred to me that "haters" don't hate because of material possessions. Reason being, anyone can acquire wealth. Wealth can be attained by hard work and commitment or by simply "taking" that which is not yours from a weaker being. However, hate surfaces when one's spiritual enlightenment is recognized by those who assumed they are truly above and superior to all others.

Simply stated, when arrogance and humbleness engage. Humbleness wins.

I am but a grain of sand on this beach called life. I am grateful for every sun drenched day and I wrap myself in God's word. Amen.

Today I am sad. I will allow myself to feel this emotion. I will embrace this melancholy state and dance to the sad song that beats in my heart. I will console myself. I will sedate my pain with the images I see in my mind. I will swathe myself in joyful memories. I will raise up and move forward toward my vision.

I will continue my journey..

So I'm driving home from family vacation at the beach, and I'm in the middle row sitting next to my daughter. The guys are taking turns driving, and my grans are in the back seat playing and talking over one another. Nothing unusual about that and no one is paying particular attention to their conversation. I'm playing a game on my cell phone and my daughter is practicing her Spanish. I hear my ten year old grandson bet his five year old sister that she does not "even" know who was the first president of the United States! Well! Females being females, her neck start to move from side to side in rhythm with the words that are coming out of her mouth... "Oh yes I do know who the first president of the United States was" she indignantly exclaimed! Who? Her brother dares her - she looks in square in the eyes and matter of factly says, "Mart'n Luffa King!"

The car lit up in laughter! I look at my daughter and I say, "how did she come up with that answer?" My daughter analyzes it this way... Well mother, she says, Barrack Obama is the only president she has known in her lifetime. He's a black man, so it would stand to reason that the only other black male that she knows of that stature is Dr. King, so he had to be the first president because he's black too!

Thank you President Obama! You gave a vision to an entire generation.

For over thirty years I have waken up to a hot cup of coffee presented to me along with a big morning kiss. My husband makes the best coffee and of course he is the best kisser! Last week this man decides that he is no longer a coffee drinker! What! Wait a minute! Hauh!! Uhm... Where does that leave me??

Well... He says... Honey I'll still bring you coffee... I'm your husband and I love doing that for you. Now I'm thinking... Things are different. You're no longer drinking coffee with me... It's like when an alcoholic's best friend gives up drinking! Am I going to join "coffee drinkers anonymous" now?   I'm really going to have to reevaluate my lifestyle. What the Fudge!

So after pondering my dilemma all day at work, I think I've come up with a solution. I'm going to have to make my own coffee in the mornings! Jeeze! On the way home I stop by Target and I purchase a "single serve" "Keurig" coffee maker. The following morning I sleepily make my way to the kitchen and proceed to make my single cup of coffee. It's not my husband's fabulous morning latte but it will do...

I still get my lucious morning kiss and I am reminded that while change is inevitable, life's littlest things can have the most significant effect and I have the best husband!

But... We were captured and sold by our own -

As we struggled through generations to reclaim our dignity... Once again we were sold by our own -

We were put on the streets to lay on our backs by our own -

Our children were give toxins to inject and inhale by our own -

We wrote the lyrics to the music that robbed a generation of self respect -

The lyrics that told our daughters that they were only as valuable as their big ass!

The lyrics that told our sons that to be "gansta" is all there is!

So now we are faced with not just national but global annihilation -

A race on the brink of extinction because we were not our brothers keepers.

And yet we have a chance to get it right. To put a "not for sale" sign on our families. To stand together as every other race has done. To love ourselves thereby leaving a legacy of pride for our race, our culture and yes, pride for our country.

Slavery is America's Holocaust, and we have to know our history to avoid repeating our history.

Yes! Black lives matter! Black lives matter! However, we as African-Americans must matter to ourselves.

Black lives matter because our lives are being targeted. Not Asian lives, not Arab lives, not Hispanic lives... only Black lives are being are being snuffed!

#BLACKLIVESMATTER and we will survive.

Today America celebrates its independence from Britain. Nothing new here except this year will be the last Independence Day with Barack Obama as President of the United States. I am really in my feelings about this. For the past eight years I actually celebrated our country... Not just a "holiday." I celebrated a black man in office in my life time. I celebrated all the hope that emanated from his presence in the White House. So today, as I drove home from a family reunion with my husband in the rain, I said DC is crying honey because President Obama is leaving...

Remember, I did say I am in my feelings!

Lol!

Anyway, I thought about how grateful I am. I thought about my family. My husband, my children, my grandchildren. I thought about their love for me. As we drove, I heard my grandson's voice in head saying, "grandma...I love you..." I thought about my daughter and my son in law. I thought about the man driving beside me. I thought how blessed I am to have a family that loves me flaws and all. How blessed I am to have a family that embraces my friends and protects me from my enemies.

Traditionally, Independence Day is celebrated with family and loved ones and this year was no different. Except, this year, I humbly gave thanks for the many "Liberties" that God has bestowed upon me.

Thank you President Obama!

On this day, June 25, 1977 we took the vow of holy matrimony. This was our attempt to have God recognize our civil ceremony just the week before. We were so young - so excited - so blessed.

We have since learned that marriage is not for the faint of heart. It is in fact an institution. Our gold bands bears witness to our commitment to establish our family as "Herb & Company!" Lol! Our establishment is comprised of the two daughters, two sons in law and five precious grandchildren.

Our daughters are a reflection of me... Strongwilled and determined... smh... And the essence of their father... Kind and peaceful, steadfast... I am proud of them.

Together we have endured sorrow and suffered great loss but we have also shared a love that God has smiled upon. We have experienced blessings upon blessings.

As we continue our walk through life together my husband I fondly reminisce on dancing in your arms to Baby Face - Whip Appeal, and later as you held me through my tears to Micheal Jackson - Whatever Happens... Don't Let Go Of My Hand.

I know of no stronger man than you. Thank you for 39 years of Joy and Pain... Sunshine and Rain... Thank you for "Always." I love you.

Woop! Down hearted and confused... Loosing out on everything you might try to do.... You got BAD LUCK... That's what you got! BAD LUCK...

Wow! Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes laid it down! That was my jam back in the day. Coming of age at a time when this song bellowed from boom boxes and car stereos on every corner. When you'd hear those first few notes... You knew it was coming! "Woop!" Oh it's a party now! Growing up in the hood this song validated why we were poor! Why we lived in poverty. Not because we were oppressed! We just had bad luck that that's all!

As I reflect on my youth I realize I was dancing to my own economic destruction. I was short circuiting my own ability to want more - achieve more. Because I was stricken with BAD LUCK! Lol!!

I was actually rejoicing and embracing "bad luck!" WTF!

They want me to forget you but you are not dead

They want me to move on but it hurts to give up

I try to keep your spirit present but they redirect the energy

Your memory is fading

Your pictures stare back at me with empty eyes

I am trying to hold on but your memory is fading

Your absence has humbled me and for that I am a better person

Your memory is fading

April 21, 2016 we lost a musical genius. A man who crossed all boundaries, successfully producing an urban blend of "Rock & Roll" with "Rythm & Blues." A sound so distinct that it gave "street cred" to Minneapolis -

Music that gave me life! "Pop Life!" I partied, loved, married, and started my family to the tunes of Prince, Morris Day, Alexander O'Neal, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and others.

I am stunned by this loss - it's like saying goodbye to a chapter of my life. In sharing my thoughts I say...

"Let's go crazy," in our "Little Red Corvette," as you "Do me baby," there will be no "Controversy," because "I feel for you," and "I want to be your lover!"

Cuz...

"They say two thousand zero zero party over! Oops! Outta time!"

I will continue to live my life like its "1999." I will love my family like there is no tomorrow!

Thank you Prince for your Diamonds and Pearls!

Peace... 🙏🏾

The echoes of my thoughts resonate within my soul.

I think... Therefore I am.

My thoughts reverberate as cosmic echoes in the universe.

Love... Peace... Joy... Kindness... Forgiveness... Prosperity... Strong Health...

I think - Therefore I am!

Echoes...